Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
