I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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