In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
