do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
