a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
