Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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