I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
