Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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