So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
