You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
