She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
