I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
