Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
