I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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