just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
