Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sober January is a disaster.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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