she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
