"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
