i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
