Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
