I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
