I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
