do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
