My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
