can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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