But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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