Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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