I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
