too bad you live with your parents still
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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