she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
