so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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