Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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