Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Its about making memories worth repressing
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
