I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
