I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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