Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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