grandma shit on top of the toilet
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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