so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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