Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
