FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
