Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
