She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
