Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
