Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
