just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
