I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
