I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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