I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
