I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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