Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
