Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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